I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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