i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the raccoons are back...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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