im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize