Im at strip club and am horny
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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