If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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