I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
