The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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