"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
