You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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