I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
