How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
