My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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