i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
