I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
