I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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