She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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