Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
