yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
