Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
