she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
