I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
