Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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