I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
