bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
