Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
