Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
