i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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