I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
