i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
