I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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