dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
