seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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