Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
