I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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