The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
