she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
