the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize