so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
