i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
