That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
