bring money and cleavage
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have tasted many bathrooms
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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