yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
