He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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