I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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