tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
