My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
