he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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