worst night to have a conscience
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
