is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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