True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
