did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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