I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
