HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
