Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
