Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
try to milk me bitch
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
