girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
