Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I love having hate sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
