I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
