Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
