I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
