I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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