He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
