today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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