You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize