so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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