he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
