are you still at the devil's house?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
