Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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