Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need moral support for this bender
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, beer. Big fan.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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