Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
