Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
