he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
