True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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