Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
