it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
