she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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