No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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