I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
