Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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