That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
sex in a hospital.. check
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
